Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Off the Blogosphere for a While...

Hi All,

As you can tell, I've been off the blogosphere for a while, as I've been focusing on finishing my Master's, which I'll finish this May.

Once I finish, I'll be applying for a DrPH. Consider making a donation-- I'm a great investment. :)
http://www.gofundme.com/HeatherJohnson Pin It

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Baby Heirloom Tomato Salad: Part II

Guys have this incredible way of messing with your metabolism. What do I mean? Let us examine the following case study: Boy is very sweet to girl in such a way that gives her butterflies, which causes her to feel so nervous that the very thought of food causes her to become nauseous, and maybe-- JUST MAYBE, she throws up a little bit of yogurt when she becomes SO unglued. This lasts for as long as said boy continues to say sweet things to said girl. She then begins to lose lots of weight due to her lack of food consumption. Once the budding relationship begins to normal out, girl regains her appetite and makes a conscious effort to gain two pounds so that her cute little pants once again fit correctly. Then out of nowhere, male fecal specimen begins acting like a hyena, which causes the female sweetheart to go into #fuckhim mode. She then begins to eat cookies-- and lots of them. And before she knows it, she has gained six pounds, four over her intention. Really, miss? Yes, guys, this shit really happens. All the time.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think I have found the answer to losing weight after a wildly intense relationship with E.L. Fudge. It's tomato salad. Last Friday, I gave y'all a recipe for a sort of Caprese salad, which I'm sure you immediately prepared because you're an intelligent person with good taste. 

So I ate a lot of that salad, and I loved it so much that I wanted to make it again last night. However, given that I am currently fighting the battle of the bulge, I did not want to include cheese; I fear that it, in conjunction with cookies, is responsible for the squish aka my recently gelatinous midsection.  So there I stood in Trader Joes, nearly stamping my feet like some sort of Barbarian, trying to figure out what to put in my salad to make it look abundant. 

Then, bitch, it hit me. Add more tomatoes. Really? Yes, the girl who hates tomatoes decided to add THREE WHOLE Beefsteak tomatoes to a pound of baby heirlooms. Aside from feeling like I was going to gag as I sliced those bad boys into chunks that I don't want to talk about, it was really good. I'm telling all of you non-believers out there, that once you douse them in oil and vinegar, you've got yourself a delicious bowl of antioxidants. 

So what are you waiting for? Do it up!
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Friday, May 10, 2013

Baby Heirloom Tomato Salad

Can I first start out by saying that I hate tomatoes? I think they're the grossest, squishiest things in the whole world. However lately, I have gotten brave and have been incorporating them into my diet due to their abundance of Vitamin C and allegid antioxidants. I should note, however, that I only really like them when they're accompanied by cheese and smothered in fat and vinegar. That's what makes them yum-a-licious. I should also note the difference between regular tomatoes and heirloom tomatoes. Heirlooms just taste better than that pale thing that often accompanies a restaurant burger. They're also harder, so you won't get that gross squishy feeling in your mouth that will undoubtedly make you gag on impulse, with an embarrassing vomiting incident to quickly ensue.

Anyway, because I like babies, I tend to gravitate toward miniature food items that are presented in a rather cute fashion. I realize this is ridiculous, but whatever; I do what I can to eat healthy! And since I have been eating cupcakes like they're going out of style, I need all the nutrition I can get. Sidenote: Can I tell you about how delicious my Oreo cupcakes were? I'll post on that later!

Okay, so back to this fucking outrageously delicous heirloom tomato salad. It seriously took ten minutes to whip up. I'm sure that allowing more time for it to sit would have made it even better, though. I'll let you know tomorrow after I ravenously consume it for breakfast. EFF oatmeal.

This salad is also as pretty as a picture. I think the next time I am invited to a cookout or party (hint, hint), I will bring this and put the hostess to shame. Don't worry, though, I'll bring a fabulous gift to make up for the fact that I have upstaged her. I'm only moderately bitchy.

1+ pounds of baby heirloom tomatoes (I bought a bought a pound of baby heirlooms and added the 7 leftover pearl tomatoes I had on hand)
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
2/3 cup white balsamic vinegar
1 8 oz container mozzarella balls
shake of pepper
basil (You should use fresh, but I forgot to buy it, so I tossed in some good quality dried basil)

1. Obtain a bowl with a lid.

2. Cut your tomatoes in half. If there are any pearl tomatoes in there, cut them into quarters. They're actually quite large.

3. Cut your mozzarella balls in half and toss them with your tomatoes.

4. Combine oil, vinegar, pepper, and basil. Pour over tomatoes and cheese.

5. Put the lid on your bowl and invert repeatedly, so as to evenly coat your cheese and veggies.

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Monday, April 8, 2013

Holy Bread Pudding!!

OH MY God... this recipe was right on the money! Last week, I whipped up a pumpkin beer bread, which was really great, but since I live alone, it went unfinished. In fact, I only ate a few slices because it was so dense (in a delicious sop-up-your-soup kind of way). Also, I hate throwing food away if it can be re-purposed, so I decided to use my leftovers to make a bread pudding. Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm never eating at Heather's because she'll feed me old food!" So not true, but when it comes to throwing away a perfectly delicious beer bread or taking advantage of its crusty texture and making a sweet comfort food, you'd better believe that sucker won't end up in the bin.

If you don't already have a beer bread on hand, you can make this one, substituting white sugar for brown sugar and adding 1/4 tsp of pumpkin pie spice. You won't be disappointed. Just be sure to use a beer that will complement the flavor of the other ingredients. Applehead is pretty delish.

This looks kind of disgusting, but it's bread pudding- it's not
supposed to be pretty! Fear not, though, it's delicious!
I gave up dairy milk eight or nine years ago and have been drinking almond milk since, so this recipe uses milked nuts rather than genuine baby cow formula. However, if you're more of a dairy fiend, feel free to make a substitution you're comfortable with. I also used eggbeaters rather than whole eggs, but if you'd prefer to use a more natural ingredient, use four eggs

Additionally, since I was a few slices short on beer bread, I improvised and used a few slices of whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread. Bomb diggity.

1 beer bread prepared as indicated above
1 cup eggbeaters
2 cups almond milk
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

Yes, it's that easy!

1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Cut your bread into chunks.Try using clean kitchen scissors rather than battling with your bread knife, which probably isn't sharp anyway! Let's face it, your knife set is from Target, right?

3. Toss your bread into a prepared baking dish.

4. In a mixing bowl, combine eggs, milk, sugar, vanilla, and pumpkin pie spice. Mix till your arm flab shakes like mad. (Not judging-- my tris could use a few reps, too).

5. Pour the egg mixture over the bread and do your best to completely saturate it.

6. Bake for about 45 minutes. Pin It