Holy Bread Pudding!!

OH MY God... this recipe was right on the money! Last week, I whipped up a pumpkin beer bread, which was really great, but since I live alone, it went unfinished. In fact, I only ate a few slices because it was so dense (in a delicious sop-up-your-soup kind of way). Also, I hate throwing food away if it can be re-purposed, so I decided to use my leftovers to make a bread pudding. Now I know what you're thinking, "I'm never eating at Heather's because she'll feed me old food!" So not true, but when it comes to throwing away a perfectly delicious beer bread or taking advantage of its crusty texture and making a sweet comfort food, you'd better believe that sucker won't end up in the bin.

If you don't already have a beer bread on hand, you can make this one, substituting white sugar for brown sugar and adding 1/4 tsp of pumpkin pie spice. You won't be disappointed. Just be sure to use a beer that will complement the flavor of the other ingredients. Applehead is pretty delish.

This looks kind of disgusting, but it's bread pudding- it's not
supposed to be pretty! Fear not, though, it's delicious!

I gave up dairy milk eight or nine years ago and have been drinking almond milk since, so this recipe uses milked nuts rather than genuine baby cow formula. However, if you're more of a dairy fiend, feel free to make a substitution you're comfortable with. I also used eggbeaters rather than whole eggs, but if you'd prefer to use a more natural ingredient, use four eggs

Additionally, since I was a few slices short on beer bread, I improvised and used a few slices of whole wheat cinnamon raisin bread. Bomb diggity.

Ingredients:
1 beer bread prepared as indicated above
1 cup eggbeaters
2 cups almond milk
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice

Yes, it's that easy!

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Cut your bread into chunks.Try using clean kitchen scissors rather than battling with your bread knife, which probably isn't sharp anyway! Let's face it, your knife set is from Target, right?

3. Toss your bread into a prepared baking dish.

4. In a mixing bowl, combine eggs, milk, sugar, vanilla, and pumpkin pie spice. Mix till your arm flab shakes like mad. (Not judging-- my tris could use a few reps, too).

5. Pour the egg mixture over the bread and do your best to completely saturate it.

6. Bake for about 45 minutes. Pin It

Chocolate Pistachio Icebox Cupcakes

As you may know by now, I gave up baking for Lent, which has since passed, but I have yet to have a moment to update my blog. That's not true; I just haven't felt interested in sharing lately. But I'm back and in generous form!

So as usual, I threw a birthday party for four of my coworkers, and although I ordered the majority of the food from LaSalle Bakery (OMG YUM!), I simply could not let a party pass without bringing something in. Add to that, the fact that the celebration took place two days before St. Patricks's Day, which meant that I felt compelled to make something green. Predicament #1: I had a sneaking suspicion that my coworkers (who think I'm crazy anyway) would not appreciate me blending up spinach smoothies. Predicament #2: I could not bake. What's a girl to do, what's a girl to do?

I pondered this for several weeks (hours, actually), and then it hit me. Icebox cake... in individual form! I'll admit that I was so excited about this idea that I bought the wafer cookies with which I would construct my masterpieces, one month in advance of the party. And there they sat in my cabinet, longing to be eaten. Worst month of my life, really.

So anyway, these are ridiculously easy, and would actually make a great kid-friendly kitchen project. I'll have to keep this in mind for when I have a slew of children running around my home.

Ingredients:
A box of thin wafer cookies. There is a Swedish brand that makes them.
1 pint heavy whipping cream
1 box pistachio pudding (Or you can use whatever you want)- Do not buy sugar free unless you enjoy the taste of chemicals.
Food coloring, if desired
Stuff to sprinkle on top. I wish I'd had rainbow sprinkles, but it seems as though mini CC's were all that were taking up residence in my food decoration pantry.






Method:
1. Combine heavy whipping cream and pudding in a large bowl.

2. With a hand mixer, beat the cream mixture for about five minutes, or until it reaches a thick, creamy consistency. This is actually how I make frosting the majority of the time!

3. Determine how high you want your cupcakes to be. These were made with three cookies. Then, count your cookies and divide them up!

4. Arrange wafer cookies into single layers and pipe or dollop whipped cream onto the bottom cookie. Press another cookie on top of the cream, and repeat.

5. Pipe one more dollop on the top cookie and sprinkle with fancy stuff, if desired.

6. Refrigerate for at least 8 hours so that the cookies get soft. I let my chill (ha ha... I love puns) overnight, then brought them to work in the morning, and served them around 1pm.











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Double Chocolate Lovehandles

Have you ever had one of those days (okay, fine, months) when all you want to do is ravenously devour all forms of chocolate? Do you ever have those mornings  when you weigh yourself and swear off all food for the next seven days in order to get back down to your normal weight? Well, my friends, I have those months and mornings all the time. Everyday, in fact.

As you may have noticed by now, I simply adore chocolate... especially brownies. The problem with brownies, though, is that each batch only makes about 16 squares, thereby forcing you to consume a portion of cellulite-in-the-making that may be satisfying to the taste buds, but not to your pants, which barely even button when laying down on your bed, sucking in your stomach, by the way. That's why I was determined to make something that tasted like a brownie, but was only a portion of the size. A smaller portion, to be exact.

The brownie cookie. I won't tell you that I consumed fewer calories than I would have had I made real brownies, but I will tell you that every delicious bite was totally worth it. I basically subsisted off these and salty ghetto noodles during the recent snow storm, but ended giving away two dozen to my gracious neighbors who helped me to dig my car out from behind a five-foot snow bank. True story, my friends. It's a darn good thing I gave them away, too because after consuming over a dozen on my own, I was beginning to wonder if I had ANY self-control. I mean seriously-- what girl eats a dozen cookies when she has the ability to sip on an avocado smoothie before it rots in a non-working fridge? A single girl who doesn't have anyone to look sexy for, that's who.

I didn't take cookies because I forgot. So sorry to have inconvenienced you.

Anyway, let's go on, shall we? These cookies are really delicious, but really rich, so watch out now! I tried these when they were warm (against my better judgement because I'm not a fan of warm cookies), and thought they were icky. Once I let them solidify, though, I decided that they were as tasty as can be and definitely blog-worthy. So what are you waiting for? Make 'em!

One last thing... I should warn you that the dough is effing amazing. I actually reserved a container of raw dough for snacking on later. A wise decision.

Ingredients:
2/3 cup unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cups flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups chocolate chips

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 375'.

2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and brown sugar. Incorporate eggs and vanilla.

3. In another bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda.

4. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet. Add chocolate chips. Taste the dough. It's so delicious, right?

5. Drop by tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets and bake for 10-12 minutes. I say 10-12, but mine definitely took 12 minutes.

6. Allow to cool slightly before moving to cooling racks. I always store my cookies in the fridge to extend their shelf life. It works amazingly well.

Yield: 4 dozen Pin It

Eat Your Hips Off Double Chocolate Clusters

"What the fuck? You're asking me to eat my hips off?" No, I'm asking you to make cookies that are made with ingredients that aren't bad for you. In fact, these are probably a good indulgent "diet snack" for you to stock your cookie jar with. Jeesha kapeesha!

These cookies are awesome! They're soft, smooth (not gritty in the least), and best of all, super flavorful! They're made with whole wheat flour, oats, and a bit o' olive oil. See what I mean? I'm willing to bet these dream clouds contain fewer than 100 calories each. It's a damn good thing, too, because I seriously ate six of them over the weekend. And yet I still managed to step on the scale this morning and see that my weight is only 1.6 pounds from where I'm comfortable, and down 1.8 pounds from the week before. Score!

This is a really easy recipe that should be fool-proof. The biggest problem I had was keeping my fingers out of the bowl and away from my mouth. I wish I could wear this dough as lipstick. That may look weird, though, right? It may not complement my skin tone.

Ingredients:
6 tbsp butter, softened in such a way that... nevermind.
2 tbsp olive oil (of course if don't have olive oil, you can just use more butter)
1 egg
1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
3 tbsp cocoa powder
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 1/4 cup oats (I always use old fashioned)
1/2 cup-ish chocolate chips

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. In a large bowl, combine all of your wet ingredients.

3. In a small bowl, combine all dry ingredients, less chocolate chips.

4. Slowly incorporate dry ingredients into wet. Use a hand mixer and grind the oats ever so slightly. You don't have to do it this way, but that's how I did mine, and they were fabulous! And I mean f-a-b-o-l-o-u-s. BTW, I love this song. I know, it's a shocker considering my main musical squeeze tends to be David Crowder. But I digress.

5. Stir in chocolate chips.

6. Drop rounded teaspoonfuls of dough onto ungreased cookie sheet.

7. Bake for 8-10 minutes. You won't be able to tell when these are browned, so just use your best judgement. Allow to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before moving to cooling racks.


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Thai Coconut Rice Pudding (Khao Niaow Ma Muang)

I decided to throw a Thai-themed office party at work yesterday, and wanting to be the only person to contribute to said theme, I decided to whip up a traditional Thai dessert of coconut rice pudding. For those of you who have travelled the world, or know anything about the world in general, you know that American pudding is not what people in other countries consider pudding. In most countries, pudding is very, very thick  and custardy, or is more like a cake. This pudding is more like a thick custard.

Let's talk about this little piece of heaven. First of all, it's incredibly easy, but it does require you to wash two pans. Oh my God! I've just lost half of you. It also requires the use of sticky rice (what most of you know as "Chinese restaurant rice"). There goes two-thirds of the remaining half. I ended up scoring my sticky rice from a Chinese coworker because I didn't trust myself to find the right thing at the Asian market. Sue me for not knowing how to read another language. 

My mangoes... and the remnant of my coconut cream can. 

I had a bit of trouble with the coconut milk. The market I went to had lite coconut milk and coconut cream, but not coconut milk. I decided that since the recipe specifically stated that I should use thick coconut milk, I went against my aspirations of a trim waistline and went to for the cream. Now, I want you to be very careful when purchasing liquid coconut products. Cream of coconut is very different from coconut cream. Do not buy cream of coconut. You will ruin your dish. 

Fast forward to the party.... The pudding was a smashing hit! Everyone loved it and was surprised when I told them how easy it was. Many people even came back for seconds! Winning! The recipe below makes about 20 small servings. Obviously, you can cut it in half and serve it as the only dessert and get about 6 servings. 

Ingredients:

2 cup sticky rice

2 ripe mangos, cut into slivers

1/2 cup  brown sugar, divided

1/2 tsp salt

2 cans coconut cream

water (for boiling or steaming the rice)

Method:

1. In a pan, soak the rice in 2 cups of water for about 45 minutes. Do not drain after soaking. 

2. After 45 minutes, add 1 1/2 cups of water to the rice and water. Also add 1/2 can of coconut cream. So what happens with this is what the top of the can is solid, and the bottom contains liquid. Make sure you get some of the liquid out. It doesn't have to be perfect. 

3. Add salt and 2 tbsp brown sugar. 

4. Over medium-low heat, bring the rice to a gentle boil. Put the cover on the pot, an simmer for about 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, turn the heat off, and let the rice sit, covered, for 5-10 minutes longer. 

5. In the meantime, pour the rest of your coconut cream (1 1/2 cans) and the rest of your brown sugar into a saucepan. Heat the ingredients on low heat until the chunky parts have liquified and the ingredients and mingled nicely. 

6. To serve, divide the rice into serving dishes and pour the sauce over generously. Top with mangoes. 

The recipe I sort of used suggested that I serve this hot, but because I brought it to work, I served this at room temperature, and it was so, so good!! Don't worry, the sauce won't solidify once it's heated the first time. Also, I think Americans are used to eating pudding on the colder side, so don't worry! :)

I also made it two days ahead of time, and it was perfect on serving day. I also put out the leftovers today, and it was still delicious. This is an excellent make-ahead dish. You'll have to keep the sauce, rice, and mangoes in different containers, though.

This is a crappy picture because I took it at work, where there
is bad lighting. The ugly black countertop doesn't exactly
make for an appealing backdrop, either. 

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Almond Flour Triple Cs

Okay, so I suppose I lied about only cooking and baking food items with ingredients that are found in an ordinary kitchen, as the cookie recipe that I will soon unveil requires the use of  almond meal. Now, almond meal isn't so uncommon, but it also isn't considered a staple in the average American household.

The other day, I had the brilliant idea to milk a bunch of almonds in order to save money on the packaged stuff at the market. As it turns out, if you make your own almond milk, you'll undoubtedly be left with a crap-ton of almond meal. As I am somewhat like a Native American in that I try to use "every part of the buffalo" I could not let the byproduct of my milk go to waste. I did some googling and realized that I could almost use the almond meal like wheat flour. No kidding, huh?

This is how the almond flour chocolate chip cookie was born. I'll admit that I was a bit skeptical, and I mean, who wouldn't be? I was basically replacing a whole grain with a nut. I've replaced flour with legumes with great success, but never with a nut. UNTIL NOW.

When these bad boys came out of the oven, I swear my downstairs neighbors must have thought that I had a special friend over because of my reaction of ecstasy! "Ohhh my Godddd! Soooo good!!!" may have slipped off my tongue a few times. You have no idea. If you like chocolate and nuts together, you are in for a real treat, my dear.

Also, because these do not contain any flour, they're gluten-free. They also have fewer carbs than traditional chocolate chip cookies, being that they're not made with real flour. It is only fair to offer you this warning, though: Almond meal does contain significantly more fat that traditional flour. But fear not, young skeptic. The fat content is mainly comprised of monounsaturated fatty acids (MUFAs), which are actually good for you. They can help lower cholesterol, and when you replace empty calories with MUFA calories, you may actually lose weight. GTFO, I know! For those of you who would like it in layman's terms, it's full of good fat.

So without further ado, I present the gluten-free, super MUFA-powered chocolate chip cookie!

Ingredients:
3 cups almond meal
1 stick unsalted butter
2 eggs
1/2 cup light brown sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
shake of cinnamon (per usual)
chocolate chips as you see fit (chocolate chips are also a MUFA food)

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 375'.

2. In a large bowl, combine butter, eggs, brown sugar, and vanilla. Beat until nice and fluffy.

3. Mix dry ingredients. Give it a good stir and scrape down the sides with a spatula.

4. Add chocolate chips and mix.

5. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto an ungreased cookie sheet. You should get about 3 dozen.

6. Bake for 10-12 minutes.

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Accidentally Delicious Brownies

You can tell by their namesake that these brownies turned out deliciously by accident. The truth is, they are the result of several massive fuck ups, but it turns out that my inattention to detail actually had a positive ending this time. Hosannah!

I know this is a crappy picture, but what do you really
want from me at 10:30pm? You're lucky you got this!

As I wandered around my apartment in my flower-print bathrobe last night, I was overcome by a tremendous urge to experiment with a new recipe. Therefore, I whipped out a cookbook given to me ten years ago, flipped straight to the brownies section, and decided on a recipe that didn't call for a lot of butter (I didn't want to waste it on a recipe that may have failed). The recipe was simple enough: Put butter, water, and sugar in a saucepan. Melt, then add chocolate chips. Then, combine baking soda, flour, and salt in another bowl. Two strikes. Then I realized that I didn't have any vanilla left. Three strikes, and you're out. Halt! Not so fast!

I quickly worked my magic and made the necessary modifications to prevent a potential disaster from occurring. I don't like warm brownies, so I had to wait till the morning to find out that God was looking down on me when I scrambled around the kitchen that fateful evening. 

Ingredients:

2/3 cup flour

1 scant tsp baking powder (original recipe called for 1/4 tsp baking soda)

1/4 tsp salt

12 oz bag of chocolate chips (I used minis)

2 tbsp unsalted butter

2 tbsp water

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp almond extract (original recipe called for vanilla)

Generous sprinkle of cinnamon (this wasn't in the original recipe, but I added for good measure)

I hope I'm not forgetting anything critical

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 325'. 

2. In a saucepan, combine sugar, water, and butter. Heat over a low flame and stir continuously until the butter is melted. I accidentally added the sugar to the flour, which meant that I was heating only the butter and water. Whatever. 

3. Once your butter mixture is melted, stir in half of the chocolate chips and stir until smooth and melty. Pour into a mixing bowl. Add eggs and almond extract.

4. Combine flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to your chocolate mixture. Scrape bowl with a rubber spatula.

5. Mix in remaining chocolate morsels. 

6. Pour into a prepared baking dish and level out by shaking. I believe I used an 8x8.

7. Bake for 25-30 minutes. My oven is a little bit ghetto, so I think it took about 30 minutes to get these suckers cooked all the way. 

8. Allow to cool completely and stuff your face with chocolatey goodness.

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Shortbread

Shawwwwtay! No? Okay, then forget it, you humorless lump. Go ahead and make your old boring shortbread and I'll make it my way- the fun way. Just don't call asking for advice on increasing the probability of shortbread success.

As I mentioned when I first started blogging, I enjoy making and creating recipes from ingredients that I have at home. I don't like having to go out of my way to purchase a two-pound bag of weird crap that I'll use only once. With this philosophy in mind, my quest for the ultimate shortbread recipe was not tremendously difficult, but it did prove to be a bit search-intensive due to the fact that many recipes call for rice flour or something else that I don't typically have on my shelves. I sat in agony for days, crying out loud, "Dear God, will I EVER be able to make shortbread?!"

Yes. The answer is absolutely yes! And you won't have to use anything you don't already have in your cucina. Or at least I would hope you have flour, sugar, butter, and lemon extract laying around. I mean, they ARE staples.  Ugh, now I've gone and offended you again, huh? Wah, wah, wah...

Ingredients:
1 stick unsalted butter
2 cups flour
2/3 cup sugar
splash of lemon extract
sugar for sprinkling

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Cream butter and sugar together until the mixture becomes light and fluffy. Mix in your lemon extract. I suppose I used a quarter of a teaspoon, but I didn't really measure. All I know is that they turned out fabulous.

3. Mix in flour. Give it a good stir, why don't you.

4. Form the dough into teaspoon-sized balls and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. In the center of each cookie, press your thumb down slightly.

5. Sprinkle with sugar, if desired. I would recommend doing this. You don't want to be boring, now do you?

6. Bake for about 12 minutes.

7. Obtain a gym membership because these might cause you to gain weight should you decide to eat the whole batch (speaking from experience). Pin It

Cinna-licious Chocolate Bar Cookies

I've been on a blogging hiatus for a while, but I'm back, biotches. I don't know if you're crying tears of joy or agony, but either way, I'm glad you're expressing some sort of emotion on the subject! So with that in mind, I've been a sort of emotional wreck lately, and the only solace I can seem to find is in baking.

That's how I came to whip up this bitchin' batch of bar cookies that will certainly leave your tastebuds longing for more. It's likely that you'll also provoke me to be sad more often so that I'll deliver more tasty recipes. If this is the case, kindly remove yourself from my social circle. Otherwise, please feel free to send me lavish gifts as a token of gratitude.

So one of my favorite flavor combinations  is cinnamon and chocolate. I don't know why, but whenever these flavors share a recipe, the results are amazing. This is true 100% of the time, especially in the case of hot cocoa. I shall also tell you that these are NOT blondies. So far, I have remained anti-blondie throughout the course of my life due to the fact that I loathe butterscotch, especially in chip form. Traditional blondies are merely a cop out for people who can't bake, but would like to give off the appearance of  having spent hours in the kitchen. Here's why: All that sugar shocks your nerves and the human body doesn't know what to think. So, it says, "Oh, sugar! It must be delicious!" And before you know it, you have a band of loyal followers banging down the kitchen door of some poor schmuck who can't bake for crap. Oh, was that mean? Oh well.

Ingredients:
1 stick unsalted butter
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
scant 1/2 tsp salt
1 cup light brown sugar
1 egg
1 egg yolk
1 tsp cinnamon
1 cup chocolate chips (Use Ghiradelli!)

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Grease a square baking dish. I prefer glass.

3. Melt butter and brown sugar together over a low flame. Stir constantly. Once the sugar is melted in, wait ten minutes.

4. Beat in egg and yolk.

4. Mix in cinnamon, salt, and baking powder.

5. Add flour. Once the flour is well incorporated, stir in the chocolate chips. Dip your finger in and lick the scrumptious batter off. Oh la la.

6. Pour the batter into the baking dish and pop that bad boy into the oven and let it bake for about 25 minutes.

7. Allow to cool completely before slicing into 16 squares.

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Double Chocolate Banana Bread

Just when I thought that my recipe for banana bread couldn't get any better, I went ahead and added a little bit of this and a little bit of that to achieve a level of chocolaty perfection that was previously unheard of. Seriously, my final product was absolutely sensational. In fact, it was so sensational that it almost forced me to give up on my diet for the day. But ah! I didn't HAVE to give up on my half-assed diet due to the fact that the recipe calls for applesauce instead of butter. Yeah, yeah... I know. I'm back talking about applesauce as a substitute, but seriously. It's an awesome swap and if you're not yet a a believer, this is the recipe to try as a first step.

Now not to pat myself on the back or anything (who am I kidding? I adore self-praise), but I really do have a knack for switching up my recipes and making them even better. Let the applesauce sub and the addition and subtraction of cocoa powder and flour, respectively, serve as evidence of my talents. I also added mini chocolate chips, but that's amateur stuff, so I'm not really looking for loads of credit on that one.

Ingredients:
3 very ripe and spotty bananas, smashed to baby food-ish consistency
1 cup + 2 tbsp sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup applesauce
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup mini chocolate chips (You must use minis, otherwise the regular-sized chips will sink to the bottom of the pan and you'll find yourself in a mess that I'm not willing to help you crawl out of)

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. In a large bowl, mix mashed banana, sugar, and eggs together. Add applesauce and stir until well incorporated.

3. In a smaller bowl, mix cocoa powder, flour, salt, baking power, and baking soda.

4. Slowly add dry ingredients to the wet ones. Stir and scrape bowl.

5. Add mini chocolate chips and stir.

6. Pour batter into a prepared loaf pan. Sprinkle top with mini chocolate chips if desired.

7. Bake for an hour.

I usually wrap my loaf in saran wrap almost immediately after it comes out of the oven. This traps in the moisture and keeps it tasting amaaayyy-zing. Also, I usually make this at night and let it sit till the morning. Breads and muffins always taste best when they've have time to rest and the flavors have had time to marry.

P.S. I'll post pictures soon, as I am currently too lazy to fetch my camera.
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Pumpkin Pop Cuties

As some of you may know, I am obsessed with all things pumpkin.There's just something so remarkably sweet about those cute little orange, plump, ribbed spheres of goodness. I love the way they taste, look, and smell (when combined with cinnamon et cetera). I should also mention that pumpkins are the only things I like about Halloween. To me, Halloween is just a scary time of year when evil-- and harlots-- are welcomed into society for a whole day. That's right... a whole day of scary and slutty. Oh dear.

So what's a girl to do during the season of Halloween madness? Well, my friends, I turn to pumpkin... and not the tainted ones that some creepy individuals choose to carve rather frightening faces into, either. I mean pure, unadulterated pumpkins in their unmarked flesh.

 

Anyway, I know it's early in the month, but I am already getting pumpkin fever, and Naturally, I wanted to try something creative that showcased my love for the sacred squash. So this is what I came up with: "White" chocolate covered marshmallows. It doesn't sound like much, but they're Ay-de-orable and I plan to make about three hundred more of them and force feed them to my loved ones in a last ditch effort to appear thin.

Ingredients/ Supplies:
1 cup orange candy melts (I used Wilton)
10 marshmallows (I used the store brand because they had a stronger shape. I bet it's because they were stale, but I found this preferable anyway.)
1 graham cracker
candy sticks
4 x 3 candy bags
green ribbon


Method:

1. Melt chocolate on the stove or in the microwave. If you're using the microwave, make sure to melt it in increments of thirty seconds so as to not burn the candy.

2. Crush your graham cracker and place the crumbs in a small dish. 

3. Poke the candy sticks into the center of each marshmallow and dip the marshmallow into the melted chocolate. I had to end up "frosting" my marshmallows because the chocolate wasn't thin enough. If you would like your chocolate to be thin enough to dip into, I'd suggest adding a teaspoon or so of shortening to the dish before microwaving.

4. Once the marshmallow has been adequately coated, press the bottom into the graham cracker crumbs. It looks like hay, doesn't it?! Let's just pretend it does.

At this point, my boyfriend said that he couldn't envision the final outcome. Instead, he said that they looked like pumpkin ejaculate. I can't make this stuff up.

5. Place your candy treat on a wax paper-lined dish. Once your treats are all made, pop the plate into the fridge for about 30 minutes to allow the chocolate to harden.

6. After lots of time has passed, remove the marshmallows and bag 'em up. Then tie a ribbon and admire your little pumpkin cuties. 

Here, he admitted that they looked cute and stated that if I chose to pack one in his lunch tomorrow, all of his coworkers would be jealous. I'm all about making eighteen year old girls feel inadequate about their kitchen skills.

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Holy Moly Macaroons!

When it comes to sweets, there are a few things that I just can't get enough of. In no particular order, those things include coconut, chocolate, hazelnut, pumpkin, and maybe another thing or two that I can't recall at the moment, as it is nine o'clock at night and my mind is full of cotton balls. True story.  So anyway, I was asked to come up with a dessert that would complement a lemon meringue pie and the first thing that came to mind was coconut. Being that I knew I simply wouldn't have oodles of time to dedicate to baking, I made the impeccable decision to whip up a batch of macaroons. Excellent decision.

It took all of nine minutes to get my cookie "batter" from the cabinet to the oven, eighteen minutes to make the coconut puffies, and maybe ten minutes to cool. What's more, however, is that in addition to taking barely any time at all, they tasted awesome. And I mean awesome.

So if you have thirty-seven minutes to spare, I say give these a try. They're supremely easy and are guaranteed to knock your socks off in terms of taste.

Ingredients
1 2/3 cups shredded coconut
2/3 cup white sugar
1/4 cup white flour
1/4 tsp salt
4 egg whites
1 tsp vanilla

Method:
1. Set your time and ready, set, go!

2. Preheat oven to 325'. 

3. Combine coconut, sugar, flour, and salt. Give it a good stir.

4. In a small dish gently mix the vanilla and the egg white together. Do this for about ten seconds, which should be just enough time to break up the rather gelatinous albumen-containing slime. 

5. Drop by rounded tablespoons onto a prepared cookie sheet. You should get about 30.

 6. Bake for 18-20 minutes.

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Super Easy Diet-Friendly Brownies

As you can tell, I am quite the chocolate fanatic. Yes, I do eat foods other than those of the chocolate variety, but I haven't posted the recipes because they've been too simple (a whole baked chicken), repeats of old posts, or things that I haven't bothered to measure out. For example, I whipped up a side dish of whipped cauliflower/red potatoes. I didn't really measure my seasonings, so I figured that would be a pretty crappy post for a recipe blog.

Anyway, I've been doing really well on my diet and aside from the tablespoon of mini chocolate chips that I sprinkle on top of my plain yogurt, I haven't really been spoiling myself with the good stuff. That's why today, with my diet in mind, I pulled out "Old Reliable". Old Reliable is a ridiculously easy brownie recipes that calls for two ingredients. And while it won't leave you groaning, "Oh my goodness gracious, that's the best brownie I've ever had in all of my life," it will definitely satisfy your chocolate craving without forcing you to unbutton your pants. Don't judge me... you know you've done it while no one's looking.

So the two ingredients are black beans and a box of brownie mix. "What's up with the mix?!" you might be asking yourself. Well, my dear friends, the answer is quite simple. Creating a batch of brownies that each measure 2 x 2 and contain only 110 calories is easier that way. Sure, I've found recipes for "healthy" brownies, but the recipes are usually so disgustingly altered that there's no possible way that it could even taste like a brownie, let alone any sort of delicious treat. Also, even if I did do it the "right" way, I would have to spend like sixty big ones on a single batch. Here are my instructions to you: If you're seriously counting calories and aren't afraid to make a compromise in order to save yourself $56, make these. Like I said, they're not the most FABULOUS things you've ever tasted, but it certainly does the trick when your other option boasts three times the calories.

Ingredients:

1 can of black beans, drains

Water

I box of Ghiradelli brownie mix (Do yourself a favor and splurge on the Ghiradelli. The first time I made this, I bought the bargain brand. Let me tell you, they were so disgusting and fake tasting that I threw them out. Yup yup... I threw the whole God-forsaken tray out, which if you know me, is a deal of epic proportions.)

Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 325'.

2. Pour rinsed beans back into can. Fill said can with water.

3. Empty beans and water into blender and puree for a few minutes.

4. Empty brownie mix and bean puree into a bowl and mix, baby, mix!. There's nothing like burning calories while baking up a storm.

5. Pour batter into prepared 13 x 9 pan and pop the sucker in the oven for 30 minutes.

** A 13 x 9 pan will yield very thin brownies, but if you're contemplating making this, you're already conscious of portion sizes, right? Correct.

6. The next day, jump onto your scale and rejoice over the fact that you haven't packed on a few pounds! GO YOU!!

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Gluten-Free Brownies

It seems like everyone is going gluten-free nowadays, so I figured I should put a few recipes up my sleeve in the event that one of my GF buddies requests a special treat. I've discovered, however, that most Celiac etc.- friendly recipes call for ingredients like rice flour, which is nice and all, but who really has that in their cupboard? Not me. That's why I've been working to modify my current recipes by simply eliminating the flour and adding some other binding agent... or baking for a longer period of time. Most of the time, this works well.

I was feeling rather fat while also craving brownies the morning that I decided to whip up a batch of these bad boys. It then hit me that the gluten-free thing could also work as a DIET food. Before you all go haywire and jump down my throat about brownies never being good for the waistline, hear me out and pay attentch. Flour contains calories. Calories cause weight gain. Therefore, flour causes weight gain. So. If there is no flour, then there are no extra calories. Therefore, gluten-free brownies are diet friendly and I encourage you to throw away your treadmill and make these brownies. I knew I took Logic in college for something!

 

The following recipe is not intended for those who prefer the lame-o cake-y brownies. These are definitely stick-to-your-ribs, super-rich, fudge-y pudgy brownies that leave you feeling as though you've just done something naughty. I guarantee that you'll like them so much that moments after secretly devouring your first one, you'll grab another, but before you can concentrate on the slightly-grainy sugar crystals that have made their way into your mouth, you notice something funny happening... and realize that it's taking place in your pants! Suddenly they're incredibly loose! Your once sausage-like legs are now Barbie- doll slender and your waist measures a mere twenty-two inches. Oh man, I should really start doing infomericals!

Ingredients:

3/4 cup +2tbsp cocoa powder

4 eggs

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup chocolate chips

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup water

2 sticks unsalted butter, softened

2 cups white sugar

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. In a large bowl, cream together softened butter, sugar, and vanilla.

3. Add eggs one at a time. Then add water.

4. In a small bowl, combine baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder.

5. Slowly incorporate the dry ingredients into the wet. Once the ingredients are completely combined, add the chocolate chips.

6. Pour batter into a prepared 8 x 8 baking pan. I sprinkled nuts over the top, but this isn't necessary. It just makes it look gawjus.

7. Bake for 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick comes out almost completely clean.

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Red Light Bars

Last night after I returned home from another gruelling day at the office (actually that's a lie... it wasn't bad at all), I decided that I wanted to whip up a rather delicious treat of the sweet variety. Having neither the time, nor the majority of the ingredients necessary to make something chocolaty, I did something that I have only done a handful of times... I used a mix. That's right, I went to the store wearing a scarf over my head and a pair of sunglasses over my eyes, and bought two boxes of baking mix. Don't judge me- I know you've done it and I bet you've even tried to pass it off as homemade.

After I shelled out the cash for my embarrassing purchase, I sped home and immediately turned up the heat (literally and figuratively) in the kitchen. Eggs were cracking, spatulas were spreading, and knives were cutting... and this is what I came up with... a delicious layered bar that boasts a chocolate chip cookie crust topped with sliced bananas and a layer of brownie. I call them Red Light Bars.

Why are they called Red Light Bars? Because they're super easy (like the women who hang out in the Red Light District) and because they rely on bananas to give them that extra little something (just like previously mentioned women). If this offends you, call them something cute... like monkey bars. However, for as long as I can get away with it (i.e. for as long as I don't have children), I'm going to keep this suggestive name and hope for the best.

Ingredients:

Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix

3 Bananas, sliced into 1/4" pieces

Brownie Mix (don't use anything but Ghiradelli or you'll be sorry)

All the ingredients that the mixes call for

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Make cookie mix as directed, but add two additional teaspoons of oil.

3. Spread cookie dough into the bottom of a greased 13 x 9 baking pan.

4. Arrange sliced bananas over cookie dough. The slices should be touching. Don't be cheap.

5. Make brownie mix as directed on box. As specified previously, don't cheap out and buy anything other than Ghiradelli. Yes, it's a dollar more expensive than the "leading brand", but it tastes a heckkkk of a lot better and you can likely pass it off as homemade.

6. Spread brownie batter over the bananas. This is the most difficult part of the recipe because you'll have to exercise a little self control and do this carefully. You may fool yourself into thinking that there's not enough lovin' to go around, but think like a Red Light girl and understand that with enough spreading, all things are possible.

7. Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.

I'm sure this recipe is better with all homemade batters, but as someone who never cuts corners in the kitchen, I figured I was allowed to cheat this one time, right?

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Cookie Dough Truffles

My last recipe was all about the weight loss, but since losing weight is so last season (i.e. I've given up), I figured it was appropriate to post a slam-dunk recipe for not just truffles, but for cookie dough truffles. Now you may be asking yourself, "Why do I need a special recipe for cookie dough truffles when I can make regular cookie dough or buy the scoop and bake crap from the store?" Well my friend(s), quite simply, you run the risk of dying if you don't the time to make this recipe. Fact. Actually, you probably won't die from eating raw cookie dough, but it could make you very sick and I'd prefer you not spend your sick/vacation time in the emergency room.

Truffles. What can I say about truffles other than the fact that they have in all honesty, contributed to my recent weight gain? Cookie dough. What can I say about cookie dough other than the fact that the cooked version of it has contributed to my recent sausage-esque appearance. Cookie dough truffles... Oh dear Lord, this could be bad news, but I'm willing to go on an all-water diet if that's what it takes to be able to stuff my face with these little balls of Heaven.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened (I said softened, not melted. If you melt it, you're in for a BIG, messy surprise.)

3/4 cup light brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla

2 cups white flour (you could use wheat, but really... who are you kidding at this point?)

1- 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk (read: NOT evaporated milk)

1/2 cup mini chocolate chips

1/2 cup chopped walnuts (if you're going to skimp out on the nuts, double up on the chips)

2 bags of semisweet chocolate chips

Method:

1. Combine butter and brown sugar. Beat with a hand mixer until light and fluffy. Feel free to taste your mixture. It's good, isn't it?

2. Add vanilla.

3. Alternately beat in sweetened condensed milk and flour.

4. Retire your mixer for a sturdy spatula or spoon and mix in chocolate chips and nuts. Warning: You may develop a single diesel arm.

5. Roll into one-inch balls. Place on waxed paper and refrigerate for a couple of hours. Don't try to cut corners here... you need the balls cold and hard.

6. Over a double broiler (or if you know what you're doing, your microwave), melt the chocolate. With a toothpick, dip the truffles into the melted chocolate. Place back on lined baking sheets. Refrigerate until the chocolate is hard.

7. Join Weight Watchers. I'll see you there! :)

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Award- Winning Lemon Squares

No joke, my friends... these really are award-winning. In fact, when I was a mere Brownie Girl Scout, I entered a bake-off with these little gems, and happened to walk out with a blue ribbon! My seven year old self was so thrilled about this triumph, that I swore that I would never forget the recipe that earned me the right to brag to EVERYONE I know for years to come. I'm happy to report that I have yet to let anyone forget that I am a blue-ribbon baker.

So what's so special about this recipe that it deserves its own space on my blog? Well other than the fact that a panel of experienced judges deemed it to be absolutely divine, it does look rather cute when presented on a platter. What else is awesome about this dessert is that it's a no-bake recipe, which I continue to grow increasingly fond of as the seasonal temperatures steadily rise.

Since the onset of summer, I have developed quite an affinity for no-bake desserts. As someone who thoroughly enjoys baking, this comes as a shock to me, too, but who can resist whipping up something amazing without developing massive stains in the axillary region? Certainly not me.

Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups Nilla wafer crumbs (this is equal to one box)
1 stick unsalted butter, melted
1 box instant lemon pudding
8 oz cream cheese, brought to room temperature
2 cups whole milk

Method:
1. Make Nilla wafer crumbs by placing whole cookies in either a blender or a food processor. Once you have all of your crumbs, pour them into a bowl of melted butter. As previously stated in the "ingredients" section of this recipe, make sure it's unsalted. If you try to be slick and use salted, please don't tell anyone that you got the recipe from my blog.

2. Press crumbs into a 9 x 13 baking pan. If you have the time (and I strongly recommend that you do), put your crumb-filled pan in the fridge for about an hour.

3. In a large bowl, combine the milk, pudding mix, and cream cheese. A word to the wise: Make sure the cream cheese has been brought to room temperature and therefore softened before attempting to blend into the milk and pudding. Otherwise, your mixture will be rather lumpy regardless of how long you used the hand mixer to whip it into shape.

4. After you have used your hand mixer to blend the ingredients, pour over the chilled cookie crumbs. Smooth evenly with a spatula and make a very fancy design, such as the silhouette of an ancient raptor skeleton. If you don't think it's possible to make pudding art, I challenge you to try.

5. Let your masterpiece kick it old school in the fridge for a few hours before serving.

** You could very easily turn this into a pie... just an idea for those of you who think you're above serving rectangles. Pin It

Frozen No-Bake Pumpkin Pie

What the flip was I thinking when I decided to make this? It's so unbelievably good and will probably be the demise of my "diet". By the way, I use the word "diet" very loosely because I always say that I'm trying to lose weight, yet I'm the one whipping up pies and shaking a pot like a mad woman in an effort to make the perfect pot of popcorn. I rest my case.

Anyway, pumpkin is one of my favorite flavors of all time. I am a crazy person who eats pumpkin out of the can... all year long, and finds an excuse to incorporate the orange stuff into any recipe. This includes cookies, oatmeal, scones, pancakes, and of course, pie.

Being that it's summer, however, who's really in the mood to turn on their oven and heat up their house even more than the blasted sun has already done? I would say not me, but that's entirely false. Most people, however, aren't keen on turning their oven up to 350' and letting it run for an hour.

That's where this pie comes in. It's super delicious and if you buy a graham cracker crust, will free you from having to bake. I was hoping that this blog would feature only healthy recipes, but what can I say? I'm human, and can't resist the occasional urge to fill my tummy with sugar in the form of marshmallow fluff. Are you going to judge me? Of course not, because that would mean that you're not going to make this, and if you DID judge me, and you DID make this, you'd be a hypocrite, right? Right.

So let today be a judgement-free day and we'll all celebrate by eating pumpkin mousse pie.

Ingredients:
1 Graham cracker crust (or if you want to be super fancy, you could make your own, but come onnn... why would you want to show me up?!)
1 15-ounce can pumpkin
7 ounces fluff (you can usually find 7 oz jars)
1/4 cup light brown sugar
2 tsp pumpkin pie spice (another one of my favorite "all in one" spices)
1 container cool whip (divided, if desired)

Method:
1. Combine pumpkin, fluff, brown sugar, and pumpkin pie spice. Stir until everything is evenly incorporated.

2. Fold whipped topping into pumpkin mixture. **If you want your pie to look fancy schmancy, reserve about 1/4 cup of the cool whip to garnish with at the end.

3. Spread pumpkin/cool whip mixture into the pie crust. Garnish if desired. Pop this little sucker in the freezer for at least four hours.

4. Take out of freezer about 30 minutes before serving. Pin It