Roasted Chicken

I made a chicken. And I roasted potatoes and carrots under the seven pound bird. That however, was all after I had to rip out the neck, liver, and whatever else caused me to violently gag and say a few things that are too inappropriate for this blog. Anyway, though, the chicken was delicious and may have earned me a few points from my amazing bf.

While I didn't really measure anything out, I'd like to give you an idea of what I did just in case you'd like to bake up a chicken for you sweetheart. 

1. After you remove the innards and all of the gross stuff that I previously spoke of, tie the chicken's legs together with a piece of twine. Being that I did not have twine handy because I used it all wrapping a gift, I used friendship bracelet string. Some of you may refer to it as "embroidery floss." Call it what you will, just be sure to tie up the legs so that your roaster not only looks awesome once it's done baking, but also so that it cooks more evenly.

2. Cut an onion in half. Cover each half in olive oil and garlic. Then, stuff the onions into the gaping hole within the chicken. Can we not talk about that part anymore?

3. Next, find a small bowl and create a rather fragrant mixture of the following herbs. Let's just say  1/4 teaspoon of the following: Rosemary, Sage, Thyme. I may have sprinkled a dash of "Poultry Seasoning" in there, too... who knows what's in that? Mix it all together. Add salt and pepper until it tastes delicious.

4. Add a few cloves (I used 6) of pressed garlic to the salty herb mixture. Now add a few tablespoons of olive oil. Mix around until you have a nice thick paste.

5. Pretend you're a massage therapist and give your chicken a nice oily rub-down. Seriously, though, make sure that you've evenly coated your chicken so as to ensure that every piece of this ol' clucker here will be quite tasty.

6. Plop the bird on top of potatoes, carrots, and any other vegetables that you may fancy. If you're roasting potatoes under the chicken rather than along the sides of the chicken (I think this is how normal people do it), be sure to poke holes in them so that they bake all the way through. 

7. Bake until the thermometer pops up. Wow... you will make an amazing housespouse.

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