Sweet Luau Chicken

As of late, I have been experimenting with different marinades. While it's certainly easier to buy a bottle of whatever happens to be on sale, it's a better idea to make your own because not only can you control what chemicals go into it, but also you can alter the flavor to satisfy your current cravings.

I've always had an affinity for anything pineapple, but I've recently discovered that when mixed with other ingredients, it's awesome on chicken, especially in the summer time.

If you wanted to get super fancy and serve these as an appetizer at a party, you could modify the method and put the pineapple and chicken on skewers. You may also consider adding maraschino cherries to the ol' stick so as to add a pop of color. If you're planning to skewer up these bad boys, be sure to soak them in water for half an hour before threading the food on.

Ingredients:
1 can pineapple chunks + all the juice (Make sure you buy pineapple chunks in 100% juice rather than those which come in syrup. This is a sure-fire way to send your dish to Hell in a hand basket.)
1/4 cup soy sauce (it's okay to use the cheap crap)
1/4 cup orange juice
1/2 cup light brown sugar 
1/4 tsp cinnamon
4ish chicken breasts
a few tbsp brown sugar for sprinkling

Method:
1. In a small bowl, whisk together pineapple juice, orange juice, soy sauce, and brown sugars. Whisk until the sugar has dissolved. Now don't get your undies in a twist, because this should only take a couple of minutes.

2. Place trimmed chicken breasts in a prepared baking dish and pour marinade over chicken.

3. Arrange pineapple over chicken and sprinkle with brown sugar. Feel free to add a dash of cinnamon if you'd like; I fully support those who like to shake things up in the kitchen. For me, shaking things up usually involves a whole lot of arm waddle, so you know, I prefer to exercise my lot of creativity when the cucina is free of onlookers.

4. Allow to marinate for as long as you can stand. I allowed mine to chill out for about two hours.

4. Bake at 350' for 20-30 minutes, depending on how thick your breasts are cut. Don't be scared to perform a little plastic surgery and cut into the boobies. Remember, bigger isn't always better. Except of course, in the case of chocolate confections.

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Sweet and Sour Chicken (Wicked freakin' good!)

Can we please have a conversation about making recipes that received five stars from over 140 reviewers? Here's the sitch: After about half an hour of searching, I thought that I'd stumbled upon a knock-your-socks-off recipe. And why wouldn't I have thought that? It was from the Food Network website, had received five stars from a boat load of reviewers, and used only ingredients that I already had in my house. A-Plus? I think not. The Food Network, of all websites provided me with one of the most vile recipes I've ever tried. Said recipe, as written, was absolutely disgusting and actually made me cry before I waved my magic wand and made more modifications than I care to count. I seriously started crying because I thought I'd ruined dinner. However, being the master chef that I am, I saved the meal and served up something that tasted incredible... and not just compared to what I'd started out with, either.

The measurements that I'm about to mention might be SLIGHTLY off due to the fact that I had to make so many on-the-fly modifications, but they should be accurate enough to cause a black-tie dance party in your mouth.

Ingredients:
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar (the original recipe actually called for 1/2 cup, but I used my better judgement and automatically reduced to 1/3... and thank the Good Lord because any more would have brought not only tears to my eyes, but also vomit to my lips.)
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp white sugar
1.5 tbsp cornstarch mixed with 2 tbsp water (combine and shake together in a tightly sealed container)
1 can chunk pineapple + all the juice
1/4 cup orange juice
2 lbs chicken breast, cut into cubes (use scissors to do this... it's much easier that slicing and dicing with a sickle or whatever you modern kitchen folk use)
Cooked rice (I used brown)

Method:
1. In a large frying pan, combine the apple cider vinegar, brown sugar, white sugar, orange juice, and pineapple juice. Heat until the sugars have completely dissolved.

2. Once sugars have dissolved, add the cornstarch-water mixture and quickly, but gently stir.

3. Once the sauce begins to thicken, add the pineapple. Let the pineapple simmer in the sauce for about 5 minutes.The sauce should continue to thicken.

4. Let the chicken party with the pineapple. Cook chicken for about 5 minutes, or until the pieces are no longer pink inside.

5. Serve over rice and then mosey on over to GrossFoodNetwork.com and tell Sandra Lee to pucker up to your well-fed bottom! Pin It