Laudable Lentil Soup

I have been living off lentils, macaroni and cheese, beer bread, and split peas for the last two weeks, so as you can imagine, it's a damn good thing that I've got an awesomely easy recipe for lentil soup! Yes, the recipe is better than the one you've been using for years. How do I know? OH... I KNOW.

So the thing about lentils is that they're extremely versatile. You can use them to make Indian cuisine, veggie burgers, soup, salad, and things that I don't even know about yet! Hell, in a few years, I bet the next big thing will be lentil milk. Gross, but I may actually be on to something. Did you hear that? It's the sound of my bank account exploding because of my brilliant money-making venture! Anyway, because soup is cheap and low in calories if you do it right, my dear, I am a soup girl. I could seriously eat soup all day, every day, for the rest of my life, provided you slip me chocolate cupcake every now and again.

So here it is: My lentil soup recipe that doesn't call for anything weird. Cross my heart.

Ingredients:
8 cups chicken stock
2 cups uncooked lentils
1/2 tsp thyme (I didn't have thyme the second time I made it, so I used sage, and it turned out just fine)
1/2 tsp pepper
4 carrots, diced
2 onions, chopped
2 tsp oil for sauteing
4 bay leaves
salt to taste

Method:
1. In a large stock pot, saute your onions in 2 tsp oil. I don't generally do this because I prefer to keep fat out of my soup. However, sauteing the onions makes them sweet, which nicely complements the salty stock. So this time, branch out and saute those suckers until they're as transparent as a trampy top.

2. After your onions have become a bit clear, throw in everything else. Be reckless; dump everything in with no rhyme or reason. I am in no position to judge.

3. Simmer on medium for about 45 minutes or until your lentils are nice and soft.

4. Tell your husband to call his mother to tell her that your cooking is better than hers. There's no sense in keeping your talents a secret.



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UH-mayzing Pumpkin Cream Soup

I'm not going to beat around the bush for even a moment here. I made the most delicious soup last night and I am so excited to share my recipe with y'all. Sadly, I did not take a picture because I was too excited to sit down and consume my delicious meal of pumpkinny creamy goodness.

So last Friday, I got my wisdom teeth removed and had been subsisting on protein shakes for the better part of a week. Naturally, I ended up getting sick of them, so I decided to whip up a few batches of soup. First was my old broccoli cheddar standby. It was delicious, but nothing that knocked my argyle socks off. The next night, I decided to try my hand at mashed potato soup, which was good, but needed a lot of sour cream in order to give it that extra something it lacked. And let's face it, I've gained back nearly every pound I lost during recovery, so the last thing I need are gobs of cellulite-causing gremlins adorning my food. Anyway. Anxious to experiment again, I decided to go for my favorite ingredient, and make... pumpkin soup! The recipe that I found was a little bland, but with modifications, it was definitely the best out of the three I had made in the previous days. I think I may even like it better than carrot soup.

So here it is, ladies and gentlemen... the recipe you've been waiting for to satisfy each and every one of your orange-hued urges!

Ingredients:
1 small onion, chopped
1 clove of garlic, pressed
1 tbsp butter for sauteing (I nearly omit butter in soup recipes, but trust me on this one)
1 standard-size can of pumpkin
1 12-oz can evaporated milk (reduced fat or fat-free works just fine!)
2 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup water
1 tbsp brown sugar
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp pepper
salt to taste

Method:
1. In a stock pot, saute onions in butter. Once the onions have begun to brown, add the garlic and continue sauteing for another 2-3 minutes.

2. Add stock, water, pepper, brown sugar, and cinnamon. Stir.

3. Add pumpkin and evaporated milk. Stir until well incorporated.

4. Let simmer on low for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add a dash of salt if necessary. I did.

5. Pour into blender and puree. This may seem like a ridiculous suggestion since the pumpkin is already pureed, but you want to get the onions all chopped up and mingled throughout.

6. Eat and enjoy! This didn't even need sour cream. Yum! Pin It

Bacon-Wrapped Scallops

It's been over three weeks since my last post, and believe me, I bet you all were thrilled to be exempt from feeling guilty about not clicking my blog. Fear not, though. I'm back an I've got an entire backlog of recipes to share!

First, I'll start with my bacon-wrapped scallops. As you know, I have been celebrating "date night" by preparing a delicious dinner that costs more than $2 per serving and is absent of leftovers. We have been eating quite a bit of fish lately, so I wanted to continue with the seafood theme while also getting creative. I know, I know... bacon-wrapped scallops isn't some novel culinary invention, but whatever. Have you ever made them in your home kitchen? No, you say? Well then don't judge!

I found a few recipes online, but because they all required a zillion steps that I didn't care to take, I decided that I'd wing it and do it my own way. As it turns out, my own way turned out to be just wonderful, if I do say so myself! I served with roasted green beans and red mashed potatoes made with garlic and plain fat free yogurt rather than sour cream. So, so good!

The recipe is incredibly easy, so I'm not really going to post the ingredients, but rather I'm going to skip to the method.

Method:

1. Obtain any quantity of large sea scallops.

2. Obtain half as many bacon strips as you have scallops. Slice each piece of bacon in half so that you now have as many bacon pieces as you do scallops. Amazing.

3. Wrap a piece of bacon around the scallop and secure with a toothpick.

4. Sprinkle top of scallop with garlic powder and salt.

5. Arrange foodstuff in a prepared baking dish.

6. Pour about a 1/4 cup of white wine around the scallops and bake for about 8-10 minutes or until the  internal temperature reaches 120'.

7. Heat a frying pan and melt a dab o' butter. Sear the scallops on each side for about a minute so that they develop a gorgeous golden brown crust.  They should be about 145' inside. Pin It

Roasted Sweet Baby Peppers

Last night, as I was shopping for my date-night dinner, I stumbled upon a bag of baby peppers that happened to be on sale for a mere two dollars. Due to the fact that these little suckers were not only absolutely adorable, but also a complete bargain, I couldn't help but snatch up a bag to bring home. Immediately upon seeing them, I knew that they needed to be roasted. I mean seriously, there's really no other way to eat them.

 

 Having never roasted peppers in the oven before, I turned to the Internet, only to find several sets of instructions that suggested that I put them in an oven heated to 450' for thirty minutes. That was after I was supposed to coat EACH pepper in two teaspoons of oil. GTFO. Not gonna happen. So, I decided to do it my way, which meant that I was going to use far less oil and bake them at the same temperature that I did my shrimp. The result? Perfection to sixth power. Yes, that's a real mathematical equation.

I didn't really measure anything, so I'm going to skip the ingredients and jump straight to the method.

 

Method:

1. Pour 1/4-ish cup of oil into a baking dish. Add a dash of salt and a dash of pepper. What I sprinkled in didn't even equate to 1/8 tsp combined, so seriously-- a dash of each is quite enough.

 

2. Place about 1 pound of peppers in dish. Coat them with the oil mixture.

 

3. Bake at 350' for about 15 minutes, then increase the temperature to 450 and bake for another 4-5 minutes. If what you're baking it with needs to bake for longer than 15 minutes, then by all means, let the peppers hang out for a little longer at 350'... maybe like 6-7 minutes. It's as simple as that.

 

So the picture above also includes a serving of roasted butternut squash. Stay tuned because that recipe is coming soon. 

 

This is how the table looked after the shrimp, squash, and peppers were all done up.

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Healthier Baked Stuffed Shrimp

Who doesn't love baked stuffed shrimp? Who doesn't love getting on the scale the morning after and realizing that they haven't gained three pounds from all that butter? Me, me, me!! Baked stuffed shrimp is one of my favorite things to eat, and I have finally found a way to make it without having to feel grease drip down my esophagus. The secret is to use applesauce instead of butter. For those of you who are skeptical, hear me out. You cannot taste the apple specifically, but what you CAN taste is amazing flavor that fails to hold a candle to butter. Honestly, I prefer the taste of these shrimp over any I've tried that have been made the traditional way. Pinky swear.

So the store brand buttery round crackers (Ritz crackers for all you mega zillionaires out there!) are the only bad thing in this recipe. Sure, a sleeve of buttered crackers really adds up, but compared to a more traditional recipe, it's not that bad. I paired this recipe with roasted baby peppers and butternut squash (recipes to follow). The combination was amazing, so I suggest you read allll the postings related to last night's dinner! :)

Ingredients:

8 jumbo shrimp, shelled, de-veined, and butterflied

1 sleeve Ritz crackers, crushed to resemble sawdust

1/2 cup  unsweetened applesauce

1 tbsp dried parsley

juice of 1/2 lime (Yes... lime... NOT lemon!)

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp cayenne pepper (or more, depending on how hot you like it!)

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Combine crushed crackers and applesauce. Mix very well and add all remaining ingredients (less the shrimp).

3. Taste your mixture and make sure that you like it. It it's too dry, add more applesauce or lime, depending on which flavor you prefer. It's all about satisfying your taste buds!

 

4. Divide your cracker mixture into 8 portions. Make an oval and stick the mixture on top of the butterflied shrimp. Fold the tail over so that it sticks to the stuffing.

 

5. Place your shrimp on a prepared cookie sheet and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the tails turn pink.

 

6. Cut the remaining half lime into two wedges and squeeze over your shrimp if desired. To me, this makes the dish, but whatevs... it's up to you!

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Freestyle Broccoli Quiche

Because of our chaotic schedules, Tuesday has been unoficially transformed into quiche night. I usually combine all of the ingredients the night before and pop the sealed container of raw ingredients in the fridge. That way, when Tuesday rolls around, all I have to do is pour the egg/broccoli mixture into a prepared pie plate and toss it in the oven for about an hour. Why don't I anticipate saving Tuesday time by pouring the mixture straight into my plate, you ask? The simple answer is that I don't trust that I won't spill it. What a horrible disaster that would be to have to clean up such a mess.

Anyway, on Monday night, I realized that I didn't have all of the ingredients that I normally use to make my standard broccoli quiche, so I did what any normal kitchen goddess would do. I improvised, and let me tell you, it was amazing! I used less milk and the leftover Mexican cheese that had been taking up residence in my refrigerator since the last time I made chili. I also didn't use any onions, which admittedly, aren't called for in my standard recipe, but are good to add in when your five pound bag of tear-creators is on the fritz.

I also omitted the crust, as I usually do, but this time, it was not by choice, but rather out of sheer necessity because I didn't have any butter kicking around. I know, I know... how does a girl who loves to bake not have a few tablespoons of butter laying around? Well my friends, had my seen my stomach bouncing around during my exercise sesh last night, you'd understand why.

Ingredients:
2-3 cloves pressed garlic
1 1/2 cups Mexican blend cheese (Kraft makes this one with a "touch" of Philadelphia in it... it's to die for!)
4 eggs
1 cup skim milk
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 bag frozen broccoli (I think this is a pound?), partially cooked via microwave

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. In bowl, beat eggs. Mix in salt, pepper, and garlic.

3. Add broccoli and cheese.

4. Pour egg-broccoli mixture into prepared pie plate.

5. Bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour. Let set for a few minutes before serving. Pin It

Turkey- Broccoli Meatloaf

Meatloaf is one of those things that reminds me of warm, comforting meals. While it's not the fanciest of dishes (in fact, someone once told me that it was "white trash"... I tend to whole-heartedly disagree with that statement), it's certainly found its way into my repertoire and onto my dining room table.

As mentioned previously, my boyfriend and I have opted out of traditional date night and have traded it in for a no-leftover policy. Along with the no-leftover policy, it has also unofficially transitioned into a more-than-one-serving-dish policy. As someone who enjoys cooking, I have grown quite fond of Thursday nights.

Along with my cauliflower mashup, which if I can say, was a huge hit, I also took the time to make a meatloaf. Because I try to make "date night" food a little more special than a brick of meat, I decided to add a dash of pizazz in the form of broccoli. It was well-received and quickly consumed.





Ingredients:
1 pound-ish lean ground turkey (My package was about 20 ounces)- you can also use ground chicken
1 1/2 cups broccoli, somewhat finely chopped
1/4 cup cheddar cheese (don't add this to the meat mixture)
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp salt (don't add this to the meat mixture)
2 cloves garlic, pressed
1 tsp onion powder (I didn't feel like chopping an onion... sue me)
1/4 cup ketchup (I suppose that's the white trash component)
1 tsp worcestershire sauce
3/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1 egg
Extra ketchup

Method:
Preheat oven to 350'.

2. Partially cook your brocolli until it is tender, but not mushy. I did this in the microwave my adding a splash of water, covering the bowl with Saran wrap, and nuking it for 3 minutes. I then let it sit, covered, for about 5 minutes.

3. Combine ground turkey, 1 tsp salt, garlic, onion powder, ketchup, worcestershire sauce, bread crumbs and the egg. Knead with your hands until all ingredients are well blended. If the mixture is too sticky, add a tablespoon or two of breadcrumbs. If it is too dry, add a squirt of ketchup.

4. On a large cutting board, spread your meat mixture out and form it into a larg rectangle about 12 x 12. This is not an exact measurement.

5. Spread broccoli over the meat, leaving about half and inch of broccoli-less meat around the edges. Gently press the broccoli into the turkey. Sprinkle with 1/2 tsp salt. Sprinkle cheese over broccoli.

6. Gently roll meat into a "jelly roll". Carefully transfer your loaf into a prepared pan. If it won't fit, smush the ends together.

7. Squirt about 1/8 cup of ketchup on top of the loaf and spread it around. It's kind of gross looking/ feeling, but I promise that it's really good.

8. Bake for 45 minutes at 350' Pin It

Chicken Stew (What to do with leftover roaster chicken)

Being that I'm on a diet and making adequate progress (by adequate, I mean that I lose about 2 pounds per week, put the two pounds back on over the weekend, and then lose them again the next week), I am constantly brainstorming on how to make my favorite comfort food dishes a bit healthier. I'm not one to swap out so many ingredients that he final product has zero in common with the original dish, so I usually only change a minor thing or two. For this meal, I substituted cream for flour and salt.

Those of you who still believe that the Atkins Diet is a great way to lose weight, shame on you. And those of you who are shaking your head and thinking thinking that flour has a lot of calories, well shut yo' filthy mouf because while it does contain calories, it does not contain fat. Blah blah, argue with me about how "dangerous" carbs are all you want, but I'll just tune you out and remind myself that my brain on carbs functions better than your clogged arteries on protein.

Anyway, so immediately after I finished consuming my portion of the roasted chicken that I previously posted about, I picked the thing apart and tossed the cooked muscle (not to gross you out, but that's essentially what you're eating when you ravenously consume any animal... it's muscle, but I digress...) into my crock pot. Can we take a moment of silence to truly reflect on how amazing slow cookers are? You can make almost any meal without adding extra fat and oil and you can throw a bunch of stuff together before work and come home to a fragrant house. What I love the best, however, is that when I come home, my dinner is already made, which eliminates my need to eat a granola bar and a yogurt to diminish my nagging hunger pangs before dinner. It's amazing and I think I may celebrate its inventor's birthday.

Like some of my other recipes, some of the measurements arent's exactly accurate, but I'll do my best.

Ingredients:

All the picked chicken from the carcass

6 cups chicken stock (you can either buy this or make your own by boiling bones)

6 carrots (I used the two that were leftover from dinner and chopped another 4), sliced to 1/4" thick

3 celery ribs, chopped
3-4 cloves garlic, pressed

1 onion (I recycled the one from inside the chicken and just chopped it up)

4 potatoes, chopped

Peas (as you see fit)

Chicken drippings (I used all of them, but you could just as easily skip this step to reduce calorie count. Just be sure to season at the end.)

salt and pepper to taste

1/4- 1/3 cup flour mixed with equal parts cool water (this is a guesstimate... I have no idea how much I actually used)

Method:

1. Combine all ingredients aside from salt and pepper and flour in crock pot.

2. Cook for as long as you want (low, medium, high).

3. Just before serving, add the flour/water mixture. The purpose of this step is to thicken up the stew. Add more or less depending on how thick you like it.

4. Season with salt and pepper.

** If you want to go the extra mile, you could easily turn this into a pot pie by pouring it into a crust-lined pie plate and topping it with another crust. Proceed to brushing the top crust with egg wash and poking a few holes for venting. Seal the crust by pressing the edges down with a fork.

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Roasted Chicken

I made a chicken. And I roasted potatoes and carrots under the seven pound bird. That however, was all after I had to rip out the neck, liver, and whatever else caused me to violently gag and say a few things that are too inappropriate for this blog. Anyway, though, the chicken was delicious and may have earned me a few points from my amazing bf.

While I didn't really measure anything out, I'd like to give you an idea of what I did just in case you'd like to bake up a chicken for you sweetheart. 

1. After you remove the innards and all of the gross stuff that I previously spoke of, tie the chicken's legs together with a piece of twine. Being that I did not have twine handy because I used it all wrapping a gift, I used friendship bracelet string. Some of you may refer to it as "embroidery floss." Call it what you will, just be sure to tie up the legs so that your roaster not only looks awesome once it's done baking, but also so that it cooks more evenly.

2. Cut an onion in half. Cover each half in olive oil and garlic. Then, stuff the onions into the gaping hole within the chicken. Can we not talk about that part anymore?

3. Next, find a small bowl and create a rather fragrant mixture of the following herbs. Let's just say  1/4 teaspoon of the following: Rosemary, Sage, Thyme. I may have sprinkled a dash of "Poultry Seasoning" in there, too... who knows what's in that? Mix it all together. Add salt and pepper until it tastes delicious.

4. Add a few cloves (I used 6) of pressed garlic to the salty herb mixture. Now add a few tablespoons of olive oil. Mix around until you have a nice thick paste.

5. Pretend you're a massage therapist and give your chicken a nice oily rub-down. Seriously, though, make sure that you've evenly coated your chicken so as to ensure that every piece of this ol' clucker here will be quite tasty.

6. Plop the bird on top of potatoes, carrots, and any other vegetables that you may fancy. If you're roasting potatoes under the chicken rather than along the sides of the chicken (I think this is how normal people do it), be sure to poke holes in them so that they bake all the way through. 

7. Bake until the thermometer pops up. Wow... you will make an amazing housespouse.

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Carrot Soup (You have 15 minutes, right?!)

History has never been my best subject, so the story I'm about to share may or may not be accurate. So during some war between the British and some other people, the very fawncy Englishmen heard that eating carrots would improve their eyesight. Therefore, in order to increase their odds of winning the war by being able to see their enemies, they gorged themselves with carrots. In fact, they ate so many that their skin turned orange! One summer day, my cousin and I, afraid of getting skin cancer, decided to test this theory and turn it into a rockin' tan. Our hue did not change, but I do believe we got sick because we each devoured about a pound of the orange stuff within a twelve hour period. Several years later, my mom got wind that I had been eating carrot soup for lunch and dinner for about a week straight and called to check up on me to make sure that my skin tone was not morphing into a certain color of the rainbow.

After realizing that the only part of my body that was affected by carrot soupapalooza was my weight (I lost eight pounds without trying). I decided to continue eating it for as long as I could stand. I have been making this recipe for a few years now, and it has yet to get old. It has the perfect blend of sweet and savory, and best of all, is loaded with vitamins. Also, it's a pretty awesome diet food because it's ridiculously low in calories but also extremely flavorful.

The measurements may not be totally exact due to the fact that I haven't actually measured anything other than the broth since 2009, but the instructions below should be more or less correct. Be daring and give my approximations a whirl. I mean- how bad can it be, right?

Ingredients:

1 pound-ish carrots, sliced into 1/2" thick chunks

6 cups chicken or vegetable stock

1 small onion, roughly chopped

1-2 cloves of garlic, pressed

pepper to taste

Method:

1. Locate the power cord, which should be connected to your crock pot. Insert into outlet.

2. Combine all ingredients.

3. Let cook on whatever setting you want. Need it in four hours? Done. Want to start this before work? Go ahead.

4. Once the cooking process has completed and the carrots are nice and soft, pour your soup (in batches) into a blender and puree the Hell out of it. Return each batch to large bowl or pot.

5. Combine all pureed batches and stir. If your soup is too thick for your liking, add water, and if so desired, a dash of salt. If it's too runny, oh well, better luck next time.

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Flippin' Delicious Apricot Chicken

I am crazy about turning ordinary food and ingredients into tasty, satisfying dishes that leave me feeling full without making me feel like I've just gorged on a few thousand calories. Additionally, I love trying new recipes, but often find myself taking someone else's ingredient card and modifying it about 90% of the way. That's how I came about the dish below. I wanted to find something to do with the apricot preserves that I'd just purchased, but the recipes that I found online all called for a package of french onion soup mix and a bottle of salad dressing. While they all got rave reviews and a full panel of orange stars, I steered clear. For starters, I didn't have any French onion soup mix (how dare I actually keep fresh onions in my cabinets), and because the very thought of loading my healthy chicken up with dressing made my stomach churn. Twice.

I can't offer you a comparison between my version of onion-y apricot chicken and the Lipton-salad dressing-apricot version, but I can definitely asssure you that the tasty delight that I'm moments from presenting will leave you wanting more and wondering why you've been marinating with only teriyaki for so long!

The served this with a side of veggie-sprinkled barley along with steamed broccoli. Perfect.

Ingredients:

2/3 jar apricot preserves

1 very small onion, chopped

1 tbsp butter

1/4 tsp-ish dried parsley (I only added this for color)

1 chicken bullion cube

2 cloves garlic

1 1/2 lbs chicken breast, sliced thin-ish

Method:

1. In a saucepan, melt the butter and saute the onions until they are slightly carmelized.

2. Add garlic and continue to saute for another minute.

3. Reduce heat and add preserves. Once the preserves have "melted", add parsley and bullion. With a spood, break the cube so that it gets distributed more easily.

4. Once ingrdients are incorporated, remove from heat.

5. Spoon preserve mixture over chicken breasts and allow to marinate. I let mine marinate for about 24 hours. You don't have to wait this long, but I did... because I'm awesome.

6. Preheat oven to 350'.

7. Bake for 20-30 minutes, depending on thickness of breasts.

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Sweet Luau Chicken

As of late, I have been experimenting with different marinades. While it's certainly easier to buy a bottle of whatever happens to be on sale, it's a better idea to make your own because not only can you control what chemicals go into it, but also you can alter the flavor to satisfy your current cravings.

I've always had an affinity for anything pineapple, but I've recently discovered that when mixed with other ingredients, it's awesome on chicken, especially in the summer time.

If you wanted to get super fancy and serve these as an appetizer at a party, you could modify the method and put the pineapple and chicken on skewers. You may also consider adding maraschino cherries to the ol' stick so as to add a pop of color. If you're planning to skewer up these bad boys, be sure to soak them in water for half an hour before threading the food on.

Ingredients:
1 can pineapple chunks + all the juice (Make sure you buy pineapple chunks in 100% juice rather than those which come in syrup. This is a sure-fire way to send your dish to Hell in a hand basket.)
1/4 cup soy sauce (it's okay to use the cheap crap)
1/4 cup orange juice
1/2 cup light brown sugar 
1/4 tsp cinnamon
4ish chicken breasts
a few tbsp brown sugar for sprinkling

Method:
1. In a small bowl, whisk together pineapple juice, orange juice, soy sauce, and brown sugars. Whisk until the sugar has dissolved. Now don't get your undies in a twist, because this should only take a couple of minutes.

2. Place trimmed chicken breasts in a prepared baking dish and pour marinade over chicken.

3. Arrange pineapple over chicken and sprinkle with brown sugar. Feel free to add a dash of cinnamon if you'd like; I fully support those who like to shake things up in the kitchen. For me, shaking things up usually involves a whole lot of arm waddle, so you know, I prefer to exercise my lot of creativity when the cucina is free of onlookers.

4. Allow to marinate for as long as you can stand. I allowed mine to chill out for about two hours.

4. Bake at 350' for 20-30 minutes, depending on how thick your breasts are cut. Don't be scared to perform a little plastic surgery and cut into the boobies. Remember, bigger isn't always better. Except of course, in the case of chocolate confections.

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Sweet and Sour Chicken (Wicked freakin' good!)

Can we please have a conversation about making recipes that received five stars from over 140 reviewers? Here's the sitch: After about half an hour of searching, I thought that I'd stumbled upon a knock-your-socks-off recipe. And why wouldn't I have thought that? It was from the Food Network website, had received five stars from a boat load of reviewers, and used only ingredients that I already had in my house. A-Plus? I think not. The Food Network, of all websites provided me with one of the most vile recipes I've ever tried. Said recipe, as written, was absolutely disgusting and actually made me cry before I waved my magic wand and made more modifications than I care to count. I seriously started crying because I thought I'd ruined dinner. However, being the master chef that I am, I saved the meal and served up something that tasted incredible... and not just compared to what I'd started out with, either.

The measurements that I'm about to mention might be SLIGHTLY off due to the fact that I had to make so many on-the-fly modifications, but they should be accurate enough to cause a black-tie dance party in your mouth.

Ingredients:
1/3 cup apple cider vinegar (the original recipe actually called for 1/2 cup, but I used my better judgement and automatically reduced to 1/3... and thank the Good Lord because any more would have brought not only tears to my eyes, but also vomit to my lips.)
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp white sugar
1.5 tbsp cornstarch mixed with 2 tbsp water (combine and shake together in a tightly sealed container)
1 can chunk pineapple + all the juice
1/4 cup orange juice
2 lbs chicken breast, cut into cubes (use scissors to do this... it's much easier that slicing and dicing with a sickle or whatever you modern kitchen folk use)
Cooked rice (I used brown)

Method:
1. In a large frying pan, combine the apple cider vinegar, brown sugar, white sugar, orange juice, and pineapple juice. Heat until the sugars have completely dissolved.

2. Once sugars have dissolved, add the cornstarch-water mixture and quickly, but gently stir.

3. Once the sauce begins to thicken, add the pineapple. Let the pineapple simmer in the sauce for about 5 minutes.The sauce should continue to thicken.

4. Let the chicken party with the pineapple. Cook chicken for about 5 minutes, or until the pieces are no longer pink inside.

5. Serve over rice and then mosey on over to GrossFoodNetwork.com and tell Sandra Lee to pucker up to your well-fed bottom! Pin It

Black Bean Burgers (You'd be crazy not to make 'em!)

Over the past thirty-six hours, I have had the pleasure of realizing how horrible it is to cook dried beans. First, I tried the eight-hour soaking method. After ten hours had lapsed, I tried the beans, which were only about forty percent softened. So I decided to boil them for a few minutes then let them sit in a covered pan overnight. That didn't work, either. So this morning, I boiled the little buggars again, then proceeded to let them sit in their own water for ten more hours. This finally did the trick, but seriously... All that work to save a lousy three dollars!

So anyway, I didn't know what to do with the beans once they were softened (I was actually just excited to cook them because I had never strayed from the canned variety), and then it hit me... black bean burgers! I scurried home with a general idea of how to make them, but once I made my way into the kitchen, my creative juices started flowing... and after they were done, so did my drool.

Ingredients:
1/4 lb dried black beans (or 1 can, drained and rinsed)
1 egg
1 very small onion, chopped
1 generous tsp basil
3 cloves garlic, crushed
salt and pepper to taste
1 cup bread crumbs (I used Italian blend. Also- If you're using canned beans, you may have to adjust this measurement because they may contain more moisture than the soaked ones)
3-4 tbsp ranch dressing (See note above regarding measurement adjustments.)
handful shredded Parmesan cheese

Sauce (Optional)
1/2 avocado
4ish tbsp ranch dressing
salt to taste

Method:
1. Cook your beans. Or, unless you're as cheap as me and three bucks really means that much to your poor soul (no pun intended),  support your favorite legume farmer and buy canned ones.

2. In a large bowl, mash beans with a fork. You don't have to mash them until they resemble baby food, but do mash them enough so that about 50% of them have exposed their white innards. Don't try to get all slick on me and use your food processor. You will end up with a mess and wonder why your burgers came out horribly.

3. Add all other ingredients and mix until everything is fully worked in. Mold into four patties.

4. In a skillet, fry your burgers in a tablespoon or two of oil. This should take about 5 minutes on each side.

5. To make sauce, mash avocado and mix it with dressing and salt.

6. Complete your burger by adding cheese, the avocado-ranch sauce, sliced avocado, tomato, lettuce, or whatever else you fancy. Pin It

The Easiest Thanksgiving Turkey Burgers Ever!

If there's one thing I can say with confidence, its that I really love to eat. But it's not just that I love to eat, It's that like to eat comfort food. Unfortunately however, many comfort foods tend to make an appearance on many dieters' do-not-eat lists due to their high fat, sodium, and carbohydrate content. What's a girl who no longer fits into her favorite clothes to do? The answer is NOT to give up satisfying foods and replace them with boiled chicken and unsalted steamed vegetables. The ticket is to find foods that rub your appetite in all the right places (that's what she said), but are actually pretty good for you.

This is where the turkey burger comes in. Now what's better than an amazing turkey burger? Thanksgiving. Oh yes. You can have a miniature Thanksgiving feast without even dirtying a pan. And if you don't have a woman to clean dishes for you, why make a mess. JUST KIDDING. FYI, I'm a girl, so please don't leave hateful feminist comments. I will not approve them anyway.

Anyway, jump aboard the Turkey Express and ride it all the way to Yumville Valley!

Ingredients:
1 pound 93% lean ground turkey (Don't forget, just because it's turkey, it doesn't mean it's less fattening than ground beef. 85% fat is 85% fat regardless of what animal it comes from!)
1/2 box stuffing mix
cranberry sauce (For the love of God... NOT the jellied crap. Go for the gold [my nod to the Olympics] and get the whole berry kind!)
Buns or whatever

Method:
1. Mix dry stuffing in with ground turkey. Mold into patties. You should get about five. If you get four, though, I'm not judging... your secret is safe with me!

2. Grill or pan-fry until your patties are cooked through. Seriously... make sure this is cooked because I don't want to see you all dropping like flies from Salmonella Poisoning.

3. Assemble. Use cranberry sauce instead of ketchup. You won't be disappointed!!

4. Enjoy this with the pumpkin pie recipe below. The whole meal will make your eyes roll to the back of your head as if you've just had the most pleasurable experience of you life. Pin It

Pasta and Creamy White Beans

When you don't eat a lot of meat and are deathly afraid of becoming anemic and/or developing Kwashiorkor, it's important to be creative when trying to incorporate iron and protein into your diet.  That's where beans come in- they're packed with iron, protein, and fiber, and are low in fat and calories. They're also super cheap, thereby making them an excellent choice for people looking to cook Moet & Chandon meals on a Keystone Light budget.

The recipe below calls for a lot of olive oil, which means that 95% of you will be too scared to make this, but before you write this recipe off forever, I beg you to please do a shred of research. As I've mentioned before, extra-virgin olive oil (when consumed in moderation) is good for you and is part of a heart-healthy diet. It contains the lowest saturated fat content and the highest monounsaturated fat of all oils. Olive oil is good for your hair, skin, and nails, and can actually help reduce your risk of heart disease. I'm no dietician, but I'm really good at justifying eating fatty foods!

So anyway, don't be scared to make this recipe! When made with whole wheat pasta, it contains all of your essential amino acids and will help protect you from having a heart attack for one more day.

Ingredients:
2 cans drained cannelinni beans
3/4 cup water
3/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
3 large cloves of garlic, crushed
1 tsp salt
1 box pasta (I always use whole wheat shells)

Method:
1. Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Make pasta. Once it's fully cooked (not al dente!), drain and do not rinse. 

2. During all of step 1: In a sauce pan, combine olive oil, salt, and garlic. Allow to lightly simmer.

3. Once the olive oil begins to take on a slight garlic flavor, add the drained beans and water.

4. Allow the bean mixture to simmer on medium for a few minutes. You'll know it's simmered enough when the mixture begins to look mucus-y. That's right... I'm not afraid to say when my food resembles phlegm.

4. Once your beans etc. have begun to look really yellow and gross, remove from heat and smash about 90% of them with a fork or a spoon. If you own a spork, go ahead and use that.Your mixture will become creamy. Yum yum delish.

5. Put drained pasta back into its pan and pour bean sauce over it. Stir until evenly coated. Now eat it. It's SO good!


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Pesto Chicken (10 Minute Dinner)

Rachel Ray thinks she's all slick with her thirty minute meals, but I've cooked something up that would turn her face red! Ten minute chicken! Oh yes, my friends... there's a new girl on the block and you can bet your chubby bottom that she doesn't have a raspy voice or swear by a garbage bowl!

I am a huge fan of pesto, as I'm sure you gathered from my recent Pesto Cannelini Bean Soup recipe. As I've branched out beyond my former cucnina comfort zone, I've learned that pesto sauce doesn't just have to be served over a steaming hot bowl of pasta (but if you're going to do this, eat it over tortelinni... Oh my goodness gracious!), but rather it can be used as a main ingredient in so many other recipes.

Pesto chicken is amazing and so easy. Sure, you could go ahead and make it more complicated by whipping up your own batch of the green stuff (I'd probably be really mad at you for upstaging me, but whatevs... we're probably not friends anyway!), but why bother when you can buy a decent jar at your local grocery store. The farmers' market always sells delicious pesto sauce, but it's $7. Since I try to be spendthrift, though, I reserve the expensive stuff for pasta-only dishes and use the cheap stuff when I'm adding other ingredients. So don't feel like a loser buying the cheapest thing on the shelf because I'll be right there with you, having one of those moments when we both reach for the same item at the exact same time.

Ingredients
1 pound chicken
3 tbsp pesto sauce (remember, it's okay to be a cheapskate!)
2 cloves pressed garlic
3 tbsp olive oil
lemon juice to taste, optional

Method:
1. Using kitchen shears, cut chicken into 1"-ish chunks. They should be about 1" x 1".

2. Combine oil, pesto sauce, garlic, and lemon if you choose to use it. I usually omit this unless I'm using the marinade for seafood. This will be more of a rub than a marinade, but if you want to marinade, it will still be good and there won't be any waste. Doesn't it break your heart to dump a half a cup of olive oil down the drain? All. That. Money!

3. If you want to marinate them, go ahead... it will make it taste even more delicious. I usually do this before I go to work. If you don't have time to marinate, no big deal. Proceed to step 4.

4. Toss coated chicken into a frying pan over medium heat. Cook for a few minutes, until the chicken is no longer pink inside.

5. Serve it, bro! We've been eating partially ghetto style, so last night we had this with leftover beans and pierogies. Ha. Honestly, though, this would be awesome with roasted red potatoes or a side of pinata pasta (recipe on this blog). Pin It

Four Bean n' Veggie Salad

So ya' know those days when you're in dire need of a healthy meal, but have neither the time, nor the desire to cook? That's when you break out your can opener and go nuts as if your local library is having their annual book sale. Oh, you don't like getting once-read books for a quarter? Well excuse me... you must be too rich for my blood!

Anyway, this recipe is super easy and takes about ten minutes to make. Sure, I took the easy way out and chose not to soak beans for eight hours and spend my precious free time plucking corn kernels from off the cob, but it was absolutely delicious anyway! In addition to being delicious, it LOOKS amazing, which is really all that matters, right? Go ahead and sue me for being superficial. Seriously, though, this dish is packed with fiber, protein, and whatever nutrients are found in red peppers. I love it.

Ingredients:
1 can black beans
1 can small white beans (they're actually called that)
1 can yellow corn
1 can cut wax beans
1 can cut green beans
2 red bell peppers, chopped
1 large cucumber, chopped into chunks
1/2 bottle Kraft Lite Parmesan Asiago salad dressing

Method:
1. Drain and rinse all canned goods. Yes, I know it's soooo much work, but ya' gotta do it!

2. In a large bowl, combine rinsed beans and vegetables with fresh chopped cucumber and bell peppers.

3. Mix salad dressing in.

4. Serve either on its own or over a bed of salad. I served it over a bed of lettuce, and found that I wasn't able to scoop it up the way I would have liked to. Next time, I'll just serve as-is.

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Curried Lentils (Incredibly Easy!)

As I mentioned in my "Welcome" post, I don't like to prepare dishes that require an arm and a leg's worth of spices. That is why I have become quite a fan of all-in-one seasonings. I tend to stay away from "Italian seasoning", but McCormick's curry powder is actually kind of delicious! I know, I know... a thousand Indians just freaked out right now, but ya' know what... it's good enough for my all-American palate! For those of you from Rhode Island, I offer you the following warning: do not purchase curry powder from Job Lot. I have done this, and while it was a different type of dish (creamy chicken curry), my plate still looked like Benjamin Moore had personally dumped a bucket of dandelion-colored paint over my food and then proceeded to add random spices that made it taste the way I imagine a Japanese/Mexican/Cajun breakfast would.

Another word of warning: Before you make this, make sure you're wearing clothing that you don't mind throwing in the wash immediately after. Also make sure that you don't have anywhere to be right after dinner. In other words... if you plan to leave the house after your meal, be sure to shower and put on fresh clothes.

Ingredients:
1/2 pound of lentils
1 tsp curry powder (the one that comes in the small plastic cylindrical container... no need to break the bank and buy the one in the fancy glass jar)
1/2 boiling onion, diced
1 or 2 cloves of garlic, crushed
3 cups chicken stock (Or you can follow my ghetto lead and use bullion + water)
3 carrots, cut into 1/2" discs


Method:
1. Get a large pot.

2. Combine all ingredients and turn the stove heat to high. Cover and let the stock come to a boil.

3. When the chicken stock comes to a boil, turn the heat to medium. Let simmer until the lentils are soft, about 45 minutes.

4. Serve with rice. To make rice that's equally as ghetto as the chicken stock, cook the rice as directed on the package and add a handful of coconut. Sometimes I add a little bit of sugar, too. The sweetness mixed with the spiciness of the curry is a great combination. I'm sure you could amp up this rice to make it more legit by adding creme of coconut, but I like to do things on the cheap, and I am satisfied with it this way!

Happy eating!! Pin It

Broccoli Quiche

You've figured out by now that I don't mind sparking up the oven when it's nearly 90 degrees outside. Call me crazy, but eating yogurt for dinner gets really old after a while, and by a while, I mean 30 seconds. First of all yogurt is not satisfying and second, yogurt is not satisfying. This is why I whip out "winter recipes" even when you can see steam rising from the pavement.

I adore quiche. It's easy to prepare, is packed with flavor (as long as you do it right), and is always excellent the next day. If you want to reduce the calories in this recipe, omit the pie crust. I have done this several times, (I suppose it ends up being a sort of fritatta), and it's still amazing.

Ingredients:
1 pie crust
2-3 cloves pressed garlic
1 1/2 cups shredded mozzarella (I use 2%)
4 large or extra-large eggs (use egg substitute if you're cutting calories)
1 1/2 cups milk (I always use skim, and it's a-o-k.)
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
2 cups broccoli (If you're using frozen vegetables, make sure you thaw and DRAIN it, otherwise your pie will be very, very watery)
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan (this isn't necessary to the success of this recipe, but it's so. so. so. good.)

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 350'.

2. In bowl, beat eggs. Mix in salt, pepper, and garlic.

3. Add broccoli and mozzarella cheese.

4. Press pie crust into bottom of pie plate. Pour egg-broccoli mixture into crust. Sprinkle top with Parmesan cheese.

5. Bake for 45 minutes to 1 hour.  Let set for a few minutes before serving.

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